Words of Love for Hate Speakers


I met a man today in Ogden who said some pretty harsh things to me a decade ago.

“That was me,” he said as I was leaving a speech at the Convention Center.

I paused and noticed he was holding a copy of my books.

“I was the one who texted those mean things to you after you came back from maternity leave. I was going through a divorce.” He looked down at his feet. “And it was a really hard time for me.”

What a kind face he had. I remembered the texts. They told me I should stay home and take care of my baby, that he liked the woman who had been filling in for me on the radio better, that she was more professional.

“I’ve received a lot of texts like that,” I said, and patted the bench beside me to invite him to sit down. “How are you doing now?”

“I read your books,” he offered. “You’ve been through so much. I just wanted to thank you for what you said today, and ask you to sign my books.”

“Of course.” I reached out for them.

As I handed the signed books back to this extraordinary man, I lingered. “You’ve really taught me something today. Thank you.”


The men and 643463983-mlk-on-hate-and-lovewomen who send me hateful tweets, texts, Facebook posts and email this week may very well have a compassionate, brotherly conversation with me ten years in the future. (Hopefully it won’t take that long.) What I learned from this dear man today is that every person who reacts with anger and hate is my brother, my sister. When someone calls me an idiot, a fool, uses sexually degrading words to describe me – it’s not about me. There is pain in them, and I happen to be the target. They would not speak this way to their mothers, hopefully, not to their sisters or daughters. I don’t think their better natures would let them speak to me that way in person. Even when we disagree with each other, we can find a way to do so with kindness and mutual respect. I know we can. I can find a way to learn from you, and you may even be able to find a way to learn from me.


One of the people who does this with real grace is Senator Cory Booker of New Jersey. He regularly receives tweets that say things like, “One word for you Booker – idiot.” He responds, “One word for you – love.” He actually takes the time to reply to these people, dozens and dozens of them. I have read some of the most hateful tweets directed at him, and he has turned the other cheek in a way that is humbling and inspiring.


As we approach the election next Tuesday, knowing that it is highly likely either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton will be our next president, I am calling upon all of our higher natures even as I am summoning my own. If you wake on the 9th of November to the result you dread, can you still love your neighbor? Can you still support your government? Can you find things to compliment and love in America? Of course you can. I know I can. The way I see it, I either have time to complain during the four years ahead, or I have time to serve my fellow man – not both. If I waste my time complaining about a Trump or Clinton presidency, I will have squandered the precious time I could have spent loving. learn-hate


If we take deep breaths now, today. . . if we hold our children and tell them we will be just fine under either president . . . if we reaffirm the values we hold dear, and then pivot to – how can we serve – we will be on the right track to a stronger nation.  If we listen to each other more than yell. If we think before we post on Facebook – am I posting in anger? Is the purpose of this post to put down or build up? Am I one who uses demeaning language or one who looks for what is good and praiseworthy in others? Which would I rather my children do – put down or build up? Every bit of energy I expend toward one effort cannot be offered to the other. That person who supported the other candidate – she is my sister, my brother, my mother, my friend. She is my neighbor. When her house catches fire, I come running with a hose. When her mother dies, I hold her hand in grief. When her son is sick, I watch her other children. Can I not show her enough respect to get through an election? Of course I can. We can.


I offer these words of love in support of those who have spoken to me, to anyone, with hateful words. It’s never too late to send another tweet, “I’m sorry. I never meant to speak in anger. I wish you well.” And if you cannot write those words, hold them in your heart.

It’s enough.





Posted in Uncategorized

The Loyal Opposition

I remember wondering at the end of the 2000 election, which never seemed to end, whether Al Gore would be able to let the Supreme Court’s decision against him stand with grace, even though he clearly believed it was incorrect? Would he be able to encourage the millions of Americans who voted for him, more than had voted for his opponent as it turned out, to be at peace with the Court’s decision and become what we refer to as “the loyal opposition”?bush-gore

In his concession speech, the Vice President said, “Just moments ago, I spoke with George W. Bush and congratulated him on becoming the 43rd president of the United States. And I promised him that I wouldn’t call him back this time. I offered to meet with him as soon as possible so that we can start to heal the divisions of the campaign and the contest through which we’ve just passed.”

If Donald Trump wins, I can picture Hillary Clinton saying these words, with great difficulty to be sure, but saying them. She as much as said them already when Zach Galifianakis asked her if she would move to Canada if Trump wins. Before admitting how much she regretted agreeing to do his show “Between Two Ferns,” she said, “I would try to keep him from destroying the United States.” Zach asked her if she would lead the civil war. With total deadpan she replied, “I wouldn’t take up arms. I think that would be a little extreme.”

But not for some Trump supporters. The Boston Globe reports that a 50-year-old contractor named Dan Bowman said, “If she’s in office, I hope we can start a coup. She should be in prison or shot. That’s how I feel about it. We’re going to have a revolution and take them out of office if that’s what it takes. There’s going to be a lot of bloodshed. But that’s what it’s going to take. . . . I would do whatever I can for my country.”

I am trying to picture Donald Trump saying something like Al Gore said 16 years ago when he said, “Each time, both the victor and the vanquished have accepted the result peacefully and in a spirit of reconciliation. So let it be with us.” I cannot picture it. I can only picture him saying the election was rigged and blaming the media. I can picture him saying that hers will be the worst presidency in history and that crooked Hillary will be the first president to go to jail while in office. I can picture him riling his supporters against her and the office of the president in a way that is not only dangerous to her as a person but to us as a nation.

I remember reading a book written by a secret service agent shortly after President Obama was elected that described the number of threats made against him, both while he was campaigning for the office and after elected, and how they had gone up over 400% over any other president before him. I never would have thought that a woman in that office could be more personally at risk that, and yet it may be so under these present circumstances.

Where is the voice that will teach us how to be the loyal opposition if our candidate does not win this hotly and cruelly contested election? Will we listen? Will our blood cool and our spirit remember the words Mitt Romney offered so beautifully in his concession speech: “I so wish — I so wish that I had been able to fulfill your hopes to lead the country in a different direction, but the nation chose another leader. And so Ann and I join with you to earnestly pray for him and for this great nation.”

I pray for the next president, for our nation, and for the one who is not chosen and his or her followers perhaps even more, for the strength and peace of the loyal opposition.

Posted in Uncategorized

Room Full of Heroes

neff-and-centerville-boyI spent the evening in a room full of heroes this week. It was the Department of Public Safety Awards banquet. I was surrounded by men and women who serve all of us, every day, in extraordinary ways. I listened and watched as the awards were given for saving lives. One driver drove into oncoming traffic in an apparent suicide attempt with her 8 year old and 18 month infant in the car. A trooper got there, applied a tourniquet to the 8 year old who was losing significant blood, got the child airlifted to Primary Children’s, and saved the child’s life. Another officer in the St. George police 14572829_1153450934702470_1671469341188840649_n

One after another they came onto the stage to receive their award. They stood next to Lieutenant Governor Spencer Cox, Commissioner Keith Squires, Deputy Commissioner Nannette Rolfe and Colonel Michel Rapich. They looked humble, slightly awkward even, as if they didn’t want to be there. This is the “Trooper of the Year” Stephen Matthews pictured here, a leader in many ways in the Utah Highway Patrol. He was like so many of the wonderful men and women I admired that night. There was no strutting onto the stage. There was only humility. They looked happy to shake the hands of their superiors, proud of their work, but uncomfortable being singled out when they would be the first to tell you that they were just doing their job.


_mg_0106I was there as part of the Beyond the Badge program at KSL Newsradio, to accept an award on its behalf, to thank the Larry H. and Gail Miller Foundation who makes the program possible, and to see our officers honored. I am so proud of the officers who we have the opportunity to feature each week on KSL, officers from every jurisdiction in the state. It was a real pleasure to watch them walk, one by one, onto the stage and be recognized in front of their peers. Their acts of service, large and small, have such a profound effect on the communities they serve.


I had not anticipated the surge of emotion I would feel when Colonel Rapich described the “Table for One.” Are you familiar with this ritual? Law enforcement families likely are, but I was not. I had seen the ceremony once before, but it was not at the front of my mind until I felt the powerful emotion in the Colonel’s description of the Table and noticed it set off to the side of the dining hall. table-for-one

The Colonel spoke, “We set the Table to honor and to remember them for they are not with us.

The white tablecloth, which stands for purity and their willingness to answer the call to duty, so that all communities will remain safe.

The single rose reminds us of loved ones and families of our comrades, who are keeping the faith. The yellow ribbon on the vase, just like the ones worn by thousands who admire them and who demand justice and safety for all.

The slice of lemon is on the plate to remind us of their bitter fate.

The salt on the table which symbolizes the families tears.

The Bible represents strength achieved from faith, helping to sustain those while in the line of duty, founded as one nation under God.

The faded picture on the table serves as a reminder to their families that they are loved and missed very much.

The candle will be lit to symbolize the upward reach of their unequaled spirit. With complete disregard for their own safety, and despite the extreme hazards associated with their duties, they entered into danger to protect and rescue with exemplary courage. We honor them, to bring great credit upon themselves, their families and friends. Also, we as a community, honor and respects our heroes.

Please join us now as we bow our heads in a moment of silence.”

I was close enough to the stage to see the tears in the Colonel’s eyes. I know he has lost men he served with and loved. I felt the tears on my own cheeks as I sat silently, thinking of their sacrifice and of their families.


The evening ended when the family of Officer Doug Barney, shot down in the line of duty, came onto the stage. We stood up immediately and clapped with love and support in our hearts for widow Erika Barney, son Jack Barney and daughter Meredith Barney. Jack reached up and gave the Colonel a full body hug that lasted for so long I knew they had hugged before. The boy then turned, saw nearly a thousand people clapping for him, his sister and mother, and smiled.

Posted in Uncategorized

Was I unethical?

colin-powellI have been struggling with the question today of whether or not I was unethical for having shared the contents of former Secretary of State Colin Powell’s email with you on the air this morning. His email server was hacked, and the contents of those email were posted on a website, which lead to their being picked up by every media outlet in the country, including KSL.

I do not let myself off the hook by saying, “Well, everyone else shared them, so I get to.” Of course that’s not a good enough answer.

As I heard my colleague Jay McFarland asking the question today, “How could it be ethical for someone to share something that is stolen, to aid and abet the hackers, the thieves?” I had to ask myself, am I ethical? I shared stolen information.

Would I have shared a stolen photograph of Secretary Powell that showed him in the shower? No. I would not have. That would not have been newsworthy in my judgement. Would I have shared an email between him and his wife. Again, no, same reason.

But I shared his opinion of Donald Trump, which was not complimentary. And I read and want to share with you his opinion about the Benghazi investigation because I think it is important and credible. Credible because it was shared in an unguarded manner with Condoleezza Rice.  So, we have two high level knowledgeable officials sharing an opinion on Benghazi, a topic about which there have been repeated hearings and even more heartache and millions of dollars spent, but the information is stolen.

It’s private – but it’s important.

It’s stolen – but it’s important.

Do you want to know what it is? It may change the way you think about Benghazi. Do you have a right to know? Maybe. Maybe not. The Benghazi Committee could subpoena Colin Powell or Condoleezza Rice, but they have not. If they did, we could learn these opinions in a lawful way. Since they are unlikely to, we may never have learned them were it not for these stolen emails.

Am I unethical for reading them, for sharing them? It is a question I struggle with tonight. I heard Jay talk today about our decision in the media to not share some information – the name of a rape victim (although there are states that actually outlaw such conduct, removing any choice from the media) or the name of a suicide or child victim. These are sometimes questions of not what we “can” do but what we “should” do. We withhold this information for two reasons: 1) because we are protecting a victim and 2) for the larger societal good.

Are those reasons present in withholding Colin Powell’s opinions on Donald Trump or Benghazi? Is there a victim to protect? Some might say Colin Powell is a victim for having his privacy invaded. Having been in such a situation myself once where very private communications were shared, I know that can be a truly victimizing feeling. But what about number two. Is the larger societal good served by withholding the information? Is deterring the hackers worth withholding the information that could affect our understanding of history or opinions in a matter of national concern? And again, you would feel completely differently if this were an email to his wife, if it contained a compromising picture or even details about his personal life. The emails I have read were all about matters of significant national interest, and while that does not qualify as whistle blowing, it may reach a point where we have to ask ourselves – which is the larger societal good? Preserving privacy, including ultimately our own, or sharing important information?

I hear the “ends justify the means” in my argument, and I don’t like it, and so I ask myself again, was I unethical to share that information with you this morning? Do you want to know that information? Your desire won’t dictate my behavior, although I am interested. Tonight I struggle with my own conscience. It’s not everyday I am called unethical. Not everyday my conduct may qualify under that heading.

I will not share the Benghazi quote with you after all. If you want to read it, you can find it. I do not regret reading it myself. There is something in me that feels once a person is a Secretary of State, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, National Security Advisor, not to mention Four Star General, their candid opinions on matters of public interest become too important not to know.

Just because I don’t regret reading it does not mean I don’t regret sharing it with you on the air. I certainly regret doing anything that would cause me to lose your respect. I have been striving for 25 years to earn it. It is not something I would throw away on one hacker story.

No matter how important the subject matter is.

Posted in Uncategorized

Why do we hate us?


I write on the morning of September 11, 2016, 15 years after the horrible attack that ripped us apart . . . before it pulled us together as a nation. I, like all of you, will always feel a solemn and deep sense of patriotism when I think of the first responders running toward the World Trade Center. I will never forget the way neighbors stood together after that horrible day, lighting candles, talking with each other, feeling more like brothers, like Americans, than we had in a generation.

It was the terrible beauty that came from the rubble of that day.

I have heard the question posed since 9-11 regarding Islamic extremists, “Why do they hate us?” Why would people from across the globe plot and send their sons to slaughter our innocents, and the innocents of others around the world? Where does their hate come from? I have heard a number of answers: they hate us for our freedom, for our western ways, for our occupation of Muslim countries, for our economic advantage, for our arrogance. It is hard to know the truth of the genesis of hate in any man’s heart.

Today I ask a different but related question – why do we hate each other? Why do we look for what is different, find it, and scream about it? Why do we belittle, criticize, and demean each other at every turn? Why is that our go-to thought? When we see something that isn’t quite right in our estimation, why do we immediately tweet, “That person is terrible!” or “That network is terrible!” or “That candidate is terrible!” And when we see those tweets or Facebook posts, why do we like or retweet, passing on the hate? What is it in us that wants to embrace the battle, that feels good being on one side and against our bother, that likes hurting someone else?

If you knew your tweet or comment made a young girl cry, would you still tweet it? Does it matter to you if she is a Republican’s daughter or a Democrat’s? Does it matter if she is a BYU or Utah fan? Does it matter if she “had it coming”? Is that even possible? What was the payoff for you in posting? Truth? Justification? “See everybody? I told you how terrible they were, and they are!”

What is truth? A man tweeted this morning that Fox News was the only network talking about Hillary Clinton’s near fainting spell at the 9-11 Memorial. “There was a complete media blackout everywhere else,” the tweet read. I saw that tweet while watching 20 minutes of coverage on that very issue on CNN. I tweeted to tell him CNN was covering it. He told me “You might want to do your homework.  At the time that tweet was written they were not. Stop misrepresenting what I wrote.” His followers loved that smackdown. “Stop providing her cover Amanda.”

I truly have no agenda in commenting on Hillary’s health, on whether the heat got to her today, on what caused her weakness. I am one of those journalists who likes facts. I just wanted that man to know that there was no “media blackout.” Can we not even talk about whether or not a story is being covered without demeaning each other?

The answer right now is . . . no. No, we cannot. When I shared a video made by an African American woman supporting Donald Trump, people were outraged that I would be part of his propaganda machine. When I share comments made by veterans against him, I am accused of trying to get Hillary elected. Why can’t we just be interested in facts? The first woman supports Donald Trump. The second group criticizes. We listen to both, and decide how we feel.

Can we not hear information without shouting the other person down? Do I have to belittle another person, network, football team or their fans in order to feel good about my own? Where is the bond that held us together shortly after the terrible, terrible tragedy of 15 years ago this day?

Does it require pain to pull us together? Can we not find the love and respect for each other that are deserved for no other reason than that we are human? When someone is cruel to me, I know there is pain underneath the anger. My prayer is that I respond to the pain and not the cruelty.

My prayer for all of us this Sunday September 11th morning is that we look for ways to change the conversation. If we all see a hundred posts or tweets a day on average, how many of them are cruel? How many of them are kind? How many of them are just factual? I love critical thinking – it’s critical people I struggle with – and what has been interesting to me in 30 years of broadcasting is I begin to notice that the two don’t seem to exist at the same time. When I am being critical and heated, I am not usually thinking critically, and vice versa.

Today I offer respect to all of my brothers and sisters who feel love in their hearts for this country, and even to those who do not. We are all Americans. We stand or sit or kneel together, and I have love in my heart for all of us. I offer this prayer to lower the anger in our voices, to listen more and shout less, to see the genuine effort being made all around us to do the best we can every day. It is extraordinary. It is beautiful.

As beautiful as the crisp blue sky of a September day.


Posted in Uncategorized