Is it love and logic or is it just love?

Ethan ready for schoolThis is Ethan. 

Ethan is a magical child.  He knows the lyrics of practially every song he’s ever heard.  He uses words like hippopotamus and ridiculous (although not in the same sentence.)  When I play him music to fall asleep to, he asks for Debussy’s Clair de lune – by name.  He likes teachers and chocolate and inviting himself into the neighbor’s houses.

Ethan also likes hitting his little brother, refusing to come to dinner, and throwing temper tantrums that require alerting the insurance company.  He’s broken everything we’ve ever put in his room, so we took everything out – and then he broke the closet doors.  We put him in time out, we try to stay calm, we tell him why he’s in time out, but he just goes from 0 to 60 miles per hour mad like no child we’ve ever seen.

My husband and I are studying, trying to understand what we’re doing that is contributing to the problem.  We read the book The Magical Child that talks about how children under 7 are in a magical world where adult logic does not apply.  And we’re reading books like Love and Logic and Your Defiant Child, which talk about applying real logic to a 4-year-old in order to teach him consequences.

Which is it – is it love and logic . . . or just love?  What am I doing wrong?

5 comments on “Is it love and logic or is it just love?
  1. Kim says:

    You’re not doing anything wrong. Ethan is himself, a child of God, and one who will snap out of this phase regardless of how many parenting books you read.

    Personally, I adore Love and Logic just because it gives me tools to use when I feel like I’m all out of ideas. So I feel better about my parenting. Or grandparenting, which is what I do these days.

  2. Brett says:

    We struggled with a strong-willed child for years. All the Love and Logic courses we took and books we read didn’t seem to have an effect. We took her to a psychiatrist: He said she is simply a strong willed child. She is going to live life and do things her way.

    We gave her room to make her own choices and when she chose poorly we let consequences have their effect. Occasionally when she chose very poorly we corrected her. It was a struggle. Then suddenly, about 4 years ago, it wasn’t a struggle anymore. She is now 15. She’s fun, disciplined, beautiful, funny, has a great attitude and is a 4.0 A-student. She has goals, dreams and ideals – and no one will stand in her way. You are very lucky to have a strong-willed child. Hang in there. I gets better and then it gets great!

  3. Jodi says:

    I really have no answers for you questions, but I am writing just to spread the word to you about the greatest parenting book EVER written. It has saved me when I was hanging from a thread so many times. It’s called The Power of Positive Parenting by the late Dr. Glenn Latham. If you read this and don’t get the answers you are seeking, I would be shocked. It is that good!

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