I have been pondering the question – why do people who appear to have so much going for them say, when asked, that they do not feel confident in themselves? Why, deep down, do we feel so insecure about ourselves, our relationships, our contributions? We may feel confident in one aspect of our lives (“Well, I can make a killer chocolate cake. That is one thing I’m good at.”), but overall – we feel unworthy. Unworthy of our jobs, our mates, the blessings of our lives. It’s the imposter syndrome. We’re all walking around afraid that if anybody figures out we’re really incompetent, they’ll give us the boot.
Why? Is it the way we’re born? Is it human nature to feel incompetent, incapable, insecure? Is it some failing on our parent’s part? Should they have hugged us more, smiled at us more, told us we could do anything we put our minds to? Is the feeling of incompetence not genuine – is it some false humility? We don’t want to appear over-confident, so we feign insecurity. Perhaps it is an overall fear of life and the repeated failure that is a necessary part of our time here on earth?
Do we have an inalienable right to confidence? If we are born with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, are we not also born with the right to confidence? Isn’t every human being worthy of feeling good about his or her contribution, calm in the making of that contribution, excited to keep learning how to improve that contribution?
It may be a right, but one that many of us (85% by some research) choose not to exercise. Why? Why do we spend so much precious time and energy feeling insecure about what we offer in this life when we could, simply by choosing to make it so, feel confident in the same offering?
I am haunted by this question. Any wisdom to share?