When should you just give up?

blog imageI have had a dream for many years, an unrealistic dream, to be sure, but the dream of hosting some kind of program on television.  The dream is fueled by working hand-in-hand with a TV station, seeing what’s involved, knowing the personalities, feeling comfortable in their world.  But the origin of the dream is Phil Donahue.

That’s showing my age.

I grew up loving Phil Donahue, the way he’d run through the audience and ask the most thought-provoking questions, often after pausing with the microphone under his chin.  He came from radio, like me.  I was even a caller on his program once.  It was 1993.  The topic was the anonymity of organ transplantation. 

I have a passion for talking with people, like Phil had, like Oprah has.  Don’t get me wrong – I love my radio job, but I long to talk for more than the :30 news segment will allow.  I have dreamed about what it would be like to sit with people, on camera, and learn about them, thereby learning more about myself and my world.  It is the strangest paradox – an altruistic desire with an egocentric by-product. 

To the point of this blog – I found out today that a man I admire greatly does not think I have what it takes to be on television.  I don’t know his reasons.  They may be non-specific.  They may be related to my age or appearance, or my sometimes manic energy.  I don’t know.  But when I learned of his criticism, I thought – it may be time to let this one go.

When do you let a dream go?  When is your critic just . . . right?  Darnit! You have always wanted to be a novelist, but at some point you accept that you are probably never going to write the novel.  Accepting that you are never going to sail around the world or be a millionaire or . . . host a television program . . . is the hardest thing.  It is not in my nature to give up a dream – or to give up anything.  But at some point, isn’t it just throwing good energy after bad?

When do you give up a dream . . . so that you can find and pursue another one?  Help me dear reader.

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18 comments on “When should you just give up?
  1. Jason says:

    Amanda,

    What you heard today was one man’s opinion. Take it for what it is worth. I am guessing this man may have some experience in television, but again it is one man’s opinion. If this is your dream, don’t give it up! If you really want something, even if you never achieve it, are you really wasting any time or energy? I don’t think so.

    I remember working with the consultants who used to come to KSL Radio. The first one told me to bring more excitement to my voice, use a great deal of voice inflection, and be animated. The next one told me I have a natural bass, authoritative voice and I should quit trying to be someone I am not. Who do I listen to? I did what I thought was right and what felt good to me.

    You have the talent. You have the passion. Keep chasing your dream!

  2. Wendy Paul says:

    Amanda,
    I am so sorry to hear about this. I don’t know if you should give up a dream ever. Especially if you are passionate about it. Maybe you should just set this one “aside” for now and move on to other great things. Timing can be everything. You can have more than one dream at a time.

  3. Andrea Carbine says:

    If the dream is a negative one you need to let it go so you can grow into a better person. So even if he thinks you don’t have what it takes you can tell yourself… Maybe he is right but is it something I really want to do? If it is you are just going to have to block out all the negative stuff and hit your goal. If it is just something that you played around with in your mind as maybe I will someday do this and it doesn’t have a big enough ‘why’ then chances are that you will not be able to get that goal. You need to have a dream to strive for but you have to have a bigger ‘why’ to push you forward enough to get that dream. I hope you understand what I am talking about. HUGS!
    Andrea

  4. Bob Ligget says:

    Well, since you asked…and I’ll answer you as I would one of my coaching clients, and I suspect how you would answer one of yours. First of all, why do you sound so hesitant and why let one person define your future? One man doesn’t think you have what it takes. But you don’t know why and then you imagine what your deficiencies might be! There may be people who think your “age, appearance and sometimes manic energy” may be a drawback, but you also know that even though you’ve proven yourself on radio (rather well, don’t you think?), you still have critics there! The point is some viewers and listeners will not follow you, but a great many will. And do now. And that’s the way it goes. You work at KSL; you must have floated this idea past colleagues there. What feedback have they given you? Back to your imaginary personal drawbacks: we’ve seen plenty of TV interview shows come and go over the years, and a lot of them were hosted by big names who seemed to have all the elements that bring in viewers and yet they bombed. Where are the guarantees? Nowhere. How about a local example of where it’s working? Doug Fabrazio on KUER now hosts a TV interview program in addition to his radio gig. He’s making it work, and to my mind he’s at best a very average interviewer. Aren’t you at least as good as he is? I happen to think you’d ask more interesting questions. So have you explored the options? What’s the feedback? Where could you host this? Can you do both radio and TV? Do you want to? Is this a career change? I think your question of when to let go of a dream is premature until you’ve decided if this is a goal and not just a wish. If a goal, a real goal, then there are steps to follow, as you know. At some point the goal is reached, or you decide that it’s not attainable, or maybe it was the wrong goal but only after you’ve taken the steps. Not before. And it may not work, but how do you know now? There are far too many people ready to tell us what they think we can’t do, often because they can’t see themselves succeeding on that level. They think small and cynically. We need to stay away from them. I have no idea if you would succeed, but I know you won’t if you don’t at least follow through and find find out if it’s really what you want and then do what it takes to get there. How badly do you want it? So many people say “I’d give anything to do____ or be ____, but that’s not really true. They haven’t given, or tried, anything, let alone everything. Where are you? That’s likely more than you wanted or needed, but I deal with this all the time. I admire all you’ve done, Amanda. You’re one of the big fish in a small pond here in SLC, but big fish suffocate in small ponds. You’re growing your business and your brand and if this is part of that growth, who the heck cares what that guy thinks?

  5. Don’t let your dream die. My dream is nearly eight years in the making and barely off the launch pad but it has proven viable and marketable to me. And really, that’s all I need, for now.

    You should launch your own web show. I am dead serious. Look at the Angry Video Game Nerd for example. It is almost as if video games has consumed his life. And maybe they have. He might as well make a video web series and make a living doing what he loves.

    Set on your own. You will lose the benefit of the reach of ‘mega corp’. But you will never know if your own reach is just as effective if you never try. Good luck!

  6. Amanda says:

    I think you should go for it!!! I was never really a big fan of your morning show (sorry) But, I saw you in person hosting an event and you were GREAT!! I love listening to you now 🙂 I also love listening to your show that is on on the weekends 🙂
    I think if you did something on T.V. you would get more fans and people would love watching you!
    Good luck!!!

  7. Brigitte says:

    Amanda, Bless Your Heart!. What difficult feedback to receive about a dream that has been so close to your heart, waiting to come to light to share with others.

    Is it possible I wonder, to reshape your dream, to think outside of the box, to still be able to fulfill your dream? It seems to me that you’ve dipped your toes into your dream (so to speak) with your “Woman’s Show” and I’ve thought is there a way to expand that to do more?

    In a broader sense, what are the purpose of dreams such as these? To make us try for more, to aspire ourselves to be more and to keep us from being settled with who we currently are? Surely there is a reason from to have these strong feelings and the experiences they can create. I look forward to reading what others have to say on this.

  8. Bonnie says:

    I have listened to you on the radio for years, and it wasn’t until recently, when I heard you speak, that I grasped your true, wonderful nature. I was awed by your ability to entertain, and inspire. I am just a lay person, and don’t really know anything about being on T.V. , so there is no background to back up what I am about to say. I would tune in to hear you, you inspire me to be a better person. I say don’t give up on your dream. If we give up hope what else do we have? I don’t know what you need to do to work toward it, but “just keep swimming”. (I know my punctuation, grammar, and spelling leave a lot to be desired. But that doesn’t stop me from writing, and causing english majors to want to scratch their eyes out. lol)

  9. Marc Barbezat says:

    Amanda,

    You are truly one of the most unique individuals I’ve ever met. I’m constantly entralled by your expressive journey through life. At our age,(40-something) the media would have us believe that we’re too old to be in front of the camera. That being said, I urge you to look at the reality and tell this well meaning person, to go to blazes. Pursue that dream. Carefully consider the grandmother who gets her high school diploma. Two names to think of, Susan Boyle and Paul Potts. In so many ways, you are so far ahead of them. Only when you can look at yourself and say, “It’s time to move on.” does the dream get to end. Take a look at Stephenie Meyer. Another talent who, by way of a dream, came up with a story that engendered a multi-million dollar franchise. Take a look at yourself. Look at what you have accomplished. I have listened to you & Grant for 15 years. I have had the privilege of interacting with you. I’ve never seen you quit. I’ve understood there have been some bumpy parts along your road, but I’ve never seen you stop. There are numerous sources where we are encouraged not to quit, famous writers, the New Testament, the Book of Mormon. Let me leave you with one quote from one of my favorite authors.

    “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
    Mark Twain

    Nuff said.
    All my best,
    Marc Barbezat

  10. Paula Parmenteri says:

    Amanda,
    I think the timeline for “giving up a dream” is a personal decision and not one that can be made by someone else. How do you know that you won’t talk with someone tomorrow or next week that won’t think you’re the perfect person to host a television show? I think the only one who can decide when a dream is over is the person to whom the dream belongs! Good luck with your decision, if it’s one you need to make now.

  11. You interviewed me years ago. You made me feel important. It was a silly music CD, but I felt that you thought it was wonderful. You have always been way too happy and people are drawn to you for it. You are tall, blond, have big teeth and you love what you do. All of these reasons make you more than eminently qualified for TV. On your first show subjecting the anonymity of organ transplantation, I will be your first call. -DCheney 

  12. NEVER!!!

    I agree with Marc! You are amazing and I see NOTHING that should get in the way of this dream! You would be absolutely wonderful on TV! I could go on, but you know how I feel and you know the truth! The hour is late, so just remember NEVER GIVE UP on any of your dreams….I certainly haven’t!!!

    Hugs,
    Rebecca M Trujillo Batty

  13. kevin says:

    where ever you go in this world… especially in the media… you’re gonna run into people with an opinion. people who may or may not have the life experience to back up their claim. remember the old saying… an empty wagon makes the most noise.
    the world is full of empty wagons.
    bottom line… listen to the input, nod… and then follow your heart.
    of course… it’s a risk. failure is always a possibility.
    but at least you’re being genuine… being fearless…. being your true self.

  14. Amanda —

    You are not a quitter!

    And you are not one to hand over your power to one individual.

    It may not happen that you get your television show, and that would be sad, but if you give up (something over which you have control), you will ALWAYS REGRET it.

    For what it’s worth, I think you would be amazing on television — your energy, your beauty, your interest in people.

    So, let this defeat give you the energy to get what you want.

    Whitney

  15. Larry McEwin says:

    Why not a show where you set a camera up live on 3rd West and talk to everybody who walks by?

  16. Liz Sanders says:

    How about this . . . . an interview show where you interview people who never gave up on their dreams! It would be inspiring! Think of all the wonderful people who never give up, despite their age or the odds! Or, you could always do a book on the subject! Do what is right for Amanda, not what may be right for someone else.

  17. SylvainSan says:

    Just go for the half hour, lengthen your stride and die your hair to boot. THAT won’t be against all will for chorf. too long equates to not too many these days….DougWright hath over Cranked the scenario that none will abide his dearth and now Nightside is pushing to many buttons against it’s viewered liderismo.

  18. SylvainSan says:

    I say an old face show were the old folks (less than 82, older than 55) get a chance to share just HOW they are surviving…but not to much poking into detail…these people have reasons for NOT having too much to say anymore…it’s stolen from them when they have. But I would wagerr that no one will want to have a peek at their future for a state with too little interest in the number of white faces tuning in. THEY want LATINS, but won’t understand what the price is to make it happen. NO WHITE FACES AT ALL…what what the13 does to ruin aFOX

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